10. LUCCA CODRIN: The Curse
As much as I’d like to keep staring at the ceiling in the dark, painting images in my head, my eyes couldn’t help but wander away towards the window. What is he doing right now? That odd Caleb boy… His curtain is completely shut off this time. No fucking-and-showing tonight I guess? He is like a full grown man in a boy’s body. A complete insane man at that. I couldn’t put my finger around it. I can’t figure him out. I used to think that it’s easy to read people. I thought that I had it all figured out. But look at me now. What a mess. Where’s my initial mission of coming back here? What about that? What’s halting me from getting what I want? But then again, what is it that I truly want? I no longer know. Why is it now that I feel like the more I figure things out, the less I know? This is all so confusing to me.
Lost in thought, I almost didn’t notice that there are shadows lingering outside of my room. I got up to a sit on my bed in an instant as I saw it. Papa… it must be him. I look at the doorknob and unwelcome panic surges up inside of me. To my relief, I realize that I’ve locked it. But… wait. Why am I relieved? Isn’t it my mission to get him? To own him? Why am I like this now? I hear the doorknob rattles a little and then I heard a little snicker coming from the man standing outside my door.
“Lucca, are you awake?” He asked. It is papa! “Will you open the door for me?” I heard him ask again. Will I open the door for him? My heart is beating loud in my chest with a mixture of anxiety and confusion. Before I can even gather my thoughts, I heard the sound of metal being inserted into the keyhole and the doorknob twist leading the door to creak open slowly.
I can feel my forehead sweat as I saw the tall man entering my room. My eyes are widened in horror and disbelief. He has the key! He has the key all along! “Oh dear… You are awake after all,” he simply commented, twisting his arms across his chest, watching me. He looks conspicuous and perfectly suspicious… like he has something up on his sleeve.
“P-papa?” I called, failing at acting calm. He lets out a short sigh before walking up to my bed like a man disappointed but already found a way to reroute his disappointment. He seems like he has it all figured out and it makes me nervous. Hiding my nervousness is out of the question. He looks like he can see right through me with his gaze. I can’t help but to think, at that very moment, that hey, this man is my father but he is also a complete stranger to me. I didn’t know him. And I’d like to think that he doesn’t know me as well. We’re strangers. We had become strangers.
He sits at the side of my bed and immediately places one of his hand on my right thigh. “Can’t sleep, Lucca?” He asked as his thumb slightly caresses the part of the skin from my thigh. I tense up in response. I couldn’t think of a reply for his question. He also didn’t wait for a response. He just started to trail his hand from my thigh up, slowly, calculatingly, towards the part in between my thighs. I feel his hands caressing my balls. The thin layer of my pants is the only thing that stood in the way for him to completely violate me.
But he is violating me right now. And… and… and it disgusts me. I quickly grab his hand in a reflex mode and shove it away, surprising him and myself in the process. I look up to him, eyes narrowed with hatred. He looks down on me, eyes narrowed with determination and anger. “You dare, Lucca?” he threatened.
“I dare, Papa,” I talked back. “You need to stop doing that.”
He snickers a little at me. I can’t understand what’s so amusing for him. “You used to like it a lot, Lucca,” he indicated with a sick smile and as soon as he said it, he pushes me down to the bed, pinning me down with his weight and strength. Both of his hands are holding tightly to my wrists, pushing it down further on the soft mattress. I wanted to scream but I feel like it’ll only excite him more so I didn’t. Instead, in a quick moment of thought process, I decided to test my luck at diverting his intention.
“Olivia 2!” I exclaimed. “Who is Olivia 2, Papa?” I asked. Got him! His eyes are widened in surprised at the question and he hesitantly loosen his grip.
“How do you know that name?” He asked. Is it my imagination? But his voice sounds like fear. It could be just my imagination.
“I went to the cemetery today and saw a small tombstone. Who is that?”
He lets go completely of me and just sits by the side of my bed, pulling out a cigarette from his pocket, taking his time. “Ah… you know well how to ruin my mood,” he simply commented. He lights his cigarette and I waited. He turns to look at me. There’s a tiny hint of sadness showcased on his face then he turns to look away again so that I can’t see his expression. “It’s Olivia the second, named after my mother. She is your twin sister. She died at birth,” he explained, without looking at me.
“Died at birth? I have a twin sister?!” But… that can’t be true, right? It makes perfect sense why I see a girl that looks like me in my dreams then but it doesn’t make any sense that I can see her as a little girl if she died at birth! How can I have memories of her? “But…” I started. “I saw her, papa.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I saw her sometimes in my dreams. I saw a girl that looks just like me. She would play hide and seek with me sometimes and she always wears white and she just…she’s there. If she died at birth, who is it that I saw?” I unconsciously blabbered my thoughts without warning and almost gasped in surprised as I saw papa’s expression as his head is already turned to my direction. He looks like he wanted to cry. “Papa, are you okay?” I couldn’t help but to ask.
He quickly looks away. “Damn, I’m cursed,” he simply said in a shaky voice. “You know, Lucca. I always do this. No matter how hard I try to avoid it, I always do this. People I love, they either become corrupted or dead. I dare not hope it will be different for you because I know, someone as cursed as me can only destroy people. I wanted to live forever. I thought I can reach immortality. But my immortality might just be the price I have to pay to lose everything that I ever loved.” He stands slowly and walks towards the door that he had left ajar. “Choose, Lucca. Will you let me corrupt you? Or will you let me be the death of you?” With a sad smile, he closes the door behind him.
I am confused. That was actually the most I ever heard him spoke to me. He usually keeps thing short and simple but just now, what was that? I never knew papa could even make that expression. I never knew papa could be sad. So he is human after all. But what does it mean? What does he mean by the curse? What else that I didn’t know about the Codrin family? About my own family? My heirloom? And which would I choose? Corruption? Or death?
